Car and Driver Committed 4Runner Slander

And it will not be tolerated

2022 Toyota 4Runner

Car and Driver recently published an article about the 2022 Toyota 4Runner and referred to it as “Jurassic”, among other things. Their cheeky approach to calling out the age of the current generation is neither appreciated, nor warranted. The 4Runner is a monolith of capability, poise and strength. If your writing and editing team are Jeep douchebags, just say that.

4Runner People Are Uncomplicated

Unlike folks who don’t want the safe, strong embrace of SUVs that are body-on-frame, 4Runner people like to leave their doors on the nader bolts and don’t require foot pegs in traffic. We don’t need to ventilate every square inch of our trucks with pop off sections like a Lego do it yourself vehicle build. 4Runner people will simply roll down the back window of our liftgate. If you’d like to listen to the inevitably tasteful music we are listening to, you can, just roll up to the window and ask the driver to press the “Party Mode” button on a Gen 5. They’ll know where it is. Its near the steering column, as it should be.

4Runner people leave a perfectly good roof on their vehicles. We don’t need 4Runner rallies and get togethers. 4Runner people simply drive off to the woods and rock crawl, or run around in the snow in the god damn quiet, peaceful serenity of this vast earth. 4Runner people get on forums and say “hey, we’re taking a road trip and it would be neat to meet up for coffee if you are in the area”. We don’t hold towns hostage to show off our vintage vehicles. Although evidently we’d have every right to since the 4Runner is a T-Rex, evidently.

4Runner People Are Practical

We usually avoid announcing to a group full of unsuspecting victims that we’re 4Runner people. There’s no universal Costa sunglasses and Yeti hat combination like there is for Jeep people. You would likely find us in a Columbia or North Face, finding some useable outfit for the usually solo or small group adventure we are going on, since we can get pretty much anywhere. We can do that because we can do a few things with our trucks from the factory — like lock the rear differential, toggle between 4-wheel drive modes, use an automatic downhill assist, press a button and turn our differential off or employ crawl control with another simple button.

If you see a 4Runner that is stuck is it likely because they adventured too much, and now another 4 runner is going to have to pull them out. It won’t be a Bronco that helps, I assure you, they’re at their 25th meet and greet of the year on rollbacks sitting in a parking lot like a tailgate party where there is only 1 team, no competition on the field and everyone is wearing roughly the same shade of blue.

Some 4runners have after market modifications, different grills, snorkels, tire spacers, different roof racks. Typically, that modification is for a specific purpose. Since we have longer vehicles, our roof racks can actually hold luggage and equipment rather than being there to change to posture of the vehicle for looks. We have a lot of ground clearance and a beefy skid plate, so we often don’t need lift kits like some other vehicles might.

4Runner People Don’t Need Bells or Whistles

One of the gripes that Car and Driver cited is that the tech packages and creature comforts are lagging behind in 4runners. They typically don’t have heated steering wheels or fancy sound systems. The instrument display is sort of clunky and understated. You wanna know why that is, C&D?

Because 4Runner people don’t give a shit about a 4k digital screen that let’s you watch a 3D movie in standstill traffic. 4Runner people need to know how fast they are going and how much gas we have. To be fair, it is not much gas, ever…since the gas mileage is pretty rough. But that’s ok. We are not in a hurry, because we left at a reasonable time to get to our adventure. We are sensible, reasonable people who want the large knobs to turn and the Tonka buttons to click. Anyway, we’ve already made a playlist for this trip. I don’t need a working radio, just my aux chord. Also, this truck is going to last for 400k miles, chances are by the time I have to take it out back like Ol Yeller and shoot it in the radiator, the instrument panel will have stopped working anyway, well before the mechanical failure.

We just want a reliable, durable vehicle that allows us cargo space and gets us further than a parking lot. The more bullshit you add to something, the more it breaks and the higher the expense. Give me my 5 gears, get out of my way, my heavy frame and ancient buttons and I are going on a trip. Oh, and I’m bringing my dog too, since Toyota makes special seat covers for 4Runner owners with dogs. Because we like our pets like we like our vehicles — sensible, reliable, durable and unproblematic.

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Blogger, horror writer, poet, feminist, existential crisis

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Marissa Newby

Marissa Newby

Blogger, horror writer, poet, feminist, existential crisis

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